Why Your Bachelorette Sucks 3: Pour Some Trauma On Me

This is the face of a man stuck in the Sunken Place (ABC)
A queen. A goddess. Absolute perfection. Tayshia please DM me (ABC)
  • Noah and Bennett’s sexual tension is getting frustrating, they just need to fuck and move on already. I will be honest though, I truly do believe that Bennett was authentically trying to help Noah. Bennett did mention that he used to be in Noah’s shoes and he was simply trying to give him advice on how to grow as an individual. Sure, the mustache socks was another dig at the collection of pubic hair on Noah’s upper lip, but the book had some good intentions behind it. As much as I’ve grown to like Bennett, I think what’s hurting him is his fixation on Noah when most of the other men have just learned to ignore him. Bennett can’t get past Noah’s “little shit” aurora and it’s going to be his own downfall. Noah is playing him like a fucking fiddle with his puppy dog eyes and playing the whimpering victim in front of Tayshia. I really hope that Tayshia sends them both home, but Bennett’s gift is some damning evidence that will truly be the nail in his coffin. If Bennett goes home it’s fine though, we’ll see him in Paradise.
  • Blake made a dick and Canadians everywhere are once again disappointed by their sole representation in American reality television. I know what we’re all thinking though… Did he sculpt pubic hair too? Was the dick circumcised? Was it erect? The answers to these questions will only be known amongst the cast and the ABC editing intern who had to black this art project out:
Note: sculpture is NOT built to scale (ABC)
  • Zac C.’s story was really great to hear. Addiction is a brutal monster. The fact that Zac was able to battle his addiction and reach the point he’s at today is not only impressive, but truly inspirational. I loved that Tayshia embraced Zac for opening up about his past and being accepting of it.
  • Ben whipping his dick out during art class was one of the biggest eye roll moments until later learning that he has a history of struggling with an Eating Disorder. Similar to Zac, to open up about having a ED on national TV takes a lot of bravery. There’s so much ignorance about EDs and why people struggle with them. Learning about Ben’s struggle really made it clear why Ben took everything so personally and why him getting naked was such a pivotal moment. Also similar to Zac, Tayshia was accepting and embraced Ben and I’m so glad to see these revelations handled so maturely and responsibly (at least in comparison to how this show historically handles real shit). If Ben doesn’t win it all, that man better be on Paradise or on the list of consideration for the next Bachelor.
ABC’s censors are working overtime this season (ABC)



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Chris Mejia

Chris Mejia

Delusional sports fan and messy Bachelor/Bachelorette viewer. These are my hot takes.